I didn’t realize I hadn’t blogged in 2 and a half months!
And yet, I have no interesting stories to tell 😦
I met up with an old friend today. And I invited one of his friends along. I know her but not so well, she’s a bit different now… With a fake little accent, and really high heels, and a very gay way of talking which is so typical and predictable and so, “OMG i ❤ you” and “you’re so ugly, kill yourself. NOW.” Gah. She’s really nice but it’s a bit annoying when someone talks like that 24/7. I kind of felt a bit awkward because I didn’t really know what to talk about. And we kept saying, “So what do you guys want do now?” We played foosball, played some table tennis. And then that was it. There was nothing else to do. I kept thinking they were getting bored and they’re probably going to go home and talk about how boring it was and stuff. Meh. I keep doing this. I don’t know why I keep thinking about what the other person is probably going to think :S
Like with my Economics professor at University, who is so monotonous. I think he might just put himself to sleep one day. I complain a lot about him being boring but at the end of the day, I think sometimes he goes home and he lets his soul out to his wife – and he tells her about how it hurts that his students at University don’t want to listen to him and they think he’s boring, etc. Then I start to feel sorry for him and sorry for bring so bored in class… And it makes me go emo </3
That class really does suck though…
I’ve been getting sort of interested in Photography now. It’s really fun and the outcome is often great to explore. I’m using a Sony Cybershot DSC-H20. It’s a mid-range, semi-manual camera. However, this should be enough for me to start. Don’t want to do it all at once. I’ll upload some pictures later, when my Internet speed is higher than 256 Kbps -_-
Coming to my devotional life, or bhakti, it’s pretty much the same. Recently, I had conversation with another devotee. It was a very nice conversation, she told me about some of her personal experiences and experiences of people she knows in Krishna Consciousness which was very very interesting and pleasing to hear. It’s very shallow, and very secondary, but sometimes I have this need to know about miracles and personal experiences in others’ lives. It strengthens my faith, it makes me feel like yeah, this is the real deal, I’m not imagining anything. I’ve read quite a bit online about how Hinduism is the “work of the Devil” and it is “idolatry” and stuff… I am weak, and my faith isn’t very strong. I have had doubts. I have wondered if what they say is true. I have wondered if what I believe is true. That’s why I kind of feed on hearing personal experiences and about miracles regarding Krishna sometimes. Luckily, prayers to Krishna to plant the seed of devotion cures me of this. And these prayers have left me crying out of sheer love and joy for being able to know Krishna. It is very shallow, I agree. Very unnecessary, and doesn’t really prove much. I try to remind myself to concentrate on the feeling that thinking about Krishna stirs in me. The feeling of knowing that He is my friend, and the well-wisher of the entire Universe. That He will not let me perish. That He will not condemn me to Hell forever. That is a concept that I cannot comprehend. Why would God put us in Hell forever? If people choose to live bad lives, it is because they are in ignorance. They do not see the error of their ways. I guess some would say, Hell is where God isn’t. Although, does that not defeat the concept of God being omnipresent? How can there be a place God isn’t? I don’t know about other faiths but I think some of them believe that if we go to Hell, that is it. That’s the end. There’s no coming back. No second chance. I ought to read up a bit more about which faiths agree with this view.
I think that’s very scary. It would really stress me out if I had to live each day thinking if God isn’t happy with the way I’m living, he might send me to Hell and I might have to live there forever. Although, perhaps the question doesn’t arise when you dedicate your life to God and live for God. I think the bad qualities or anarthas slowly disappear as you get closer to God. I experienced that, I remember. When I started learning about Krishna, I somehow naturally felt my need to be a better person get stronger. Somehow, I started to lose taste for things I liked but knew Krishna would rather I didn’t eat. It’s true what Srila Prabhupada says: When you get close to God, you naturally lose the taste and need for material things. Once you taste Krishna, you will never want to taste anything else. I have been gathering stories about personal experiences in Krishna Consciousness. I will put them up soon.
Take care 🙂