So the day’s pretty much over. I just finished today’s diwali aarti a while ago. I was in such a rotten mood just before the aarti. I was so impatient and so irritated. I had to help my sister find an outfit for her high school graduation ceremony tomorrow and we just couldn’t find anything and it was frustrating me. We sat down for the aarti and I was just being so negative about everything. It all seemed very ritualistic, and I kept remembering the blog entry I posted earlier today, about ritualism. Moreover, I’ve gotten accustomed to thinking like this because of reading so much about how Hinduism is just “paganism” and “heathen”. So anyway, I reminded myself of my own blog entry, and told myself to think of the meaning behind these rituals. Soon, during the aarti, I started feeling very prayerful. I was feeling awe and reverence, and I was thinking that there’s just something about these aartis that make you think and focus on God, and remember Him. My mood started changing a little but I was still feeling bitter and resentful. I was waiting for Krishna to do something. I had been asking for it ever since my mood had turned bitter and I was just pleading to Krishna to do something and to make me feel alright.
Krishna never fails.
We went through “Om Jai Jagadish Hare” and then I wanted us to do an aarti to the Hare Krishna maha mantra. So I put one on the playlist, but it was not the one I thought it was. It started and it was all this funky modern music. That was alright, it was fun. But after the first minute or so, English verses started pouring in. I started to laugh so hard. I told my dad I forgot this part was in the song. My grandmother then turned to me, and said, “This is the aarti?” I just lost it then. I laughed like crazy! She just gave me this confused look and it was just hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing! My mood had completely changed. Call it a chance occurrence if you like, but to me, it was just Krishna looking out for one of His children, by giving her something to smile about. My sadness just dissipated after that. That laugh had released all the tension I was holding in. Krishna, Krishna! How can I ever thank You?
Today evening, my uncle left for India. Long ago, I had this desire to give him a copy of the Brahma Samhita. I printed it out and kept a copy, but there was a spelling mistake in one of the Sanskrit verses so I didn’t want to give it. Moreover, I didn’t know just how to go about giving it to him. Today, I thought I would give it to him before he left. But I couldn’t find the papers. I searched everywhere possible. I prayed, asking Lord Krishna to help me find it to give it to my uncle, if it was in His divine desire. I went to recheck my book shelf, and a few seconds after my little prayer, somehow, something just clicked and I instantly remembered where I had put those papers.
“I am seated in everyone’s heart, and from Me come remembrance, knowledge, and forgetfulness.” Bhagavad Gita, 18:61
It was just fascinating how I suddenly remembered where I had put the papers. I handed them over to my uncle, and my grandmother told him to make sure he read it. My uncle has been in ISKCON temples and he has done seva for the Lord. He has performed the abhishek ceremony for deities in ISKCON temples. Today, after I gave him the papers, I went to pray to thank Krishna and to pray for His protection over my uncle, and I felt that Krishna has great plans for him. I know that Krishna will not forget the devotional service he has performed, and I feel so strongly that Krishna has some plans for him. My uncle is living a very difficult life. This is why I wanted to give him Krishna-prema in the first place – so that he knows there is someone in his life who will carry his burdens. I strongly believe that Krishna is going to call him. He did it today, and there’s going to be more, I’m certain. Krishna is calling us all. He’s just waiting, with His arms wide open, for that day when we come back Home. It’s not an issue of whether Krishna wants us with Him in His eternal abode or not. The answer to that is always going to be yes, He’s waiting for us. The real question is whether we want to go back. The doors to Vaikuntha are always open. Krishna is waiting. But do we want to go? Are we ready to leave this world behind? When we’re completely ready, Krishna will make the final call. We just need to listen well.