Krishna let me taste some bliss last night. Thank You, Lord.
Last night, I was riding some emotional waves. I was feeling very sensitive. While I was chanting last night, somehow, I realized that last night I did not have the will to ask Krishna to show me any more miracles, any proof of His existence, etc. I realized that I didn’t need to beg for that. The first thing I need is to have faith in Him. So I begged for faith. I begged for love. I begged Him to smear my eyes with the ointment of love.
“Only a person whose eyes are smeared with the ointment of love can see the beautiful form of Sri Krishna.” Bhagavad Gita Purport, 11:50
“I worship the original Personality of Godhead, Govinda, whom the pure devotees, their eyes smeared with the ointment of love of Godhead, always observe within their hearts. This Govinda, the original Personality of Godhead, is Syamasundara with all transcendental qualities.” Brahma Samhita, 5:38
So rather than begging so much for Krishna to prove Himself to me (which He has ALREADY done so many times before, yet the mind is stubborn), last night I just wanted to concentrate while I chanted and pray for devotion and faith. In the middle of my round, I felt like Krishna wanted me to open up my Bhagavad Gita. So after my round, I did, and it opened to a verse about the 3 modes of passion. 2 verses were there on the two pages I opened, and one stressed on the mode of goodness. Maybe Krishna wanted to show me those verses because I was having some emotional trouble and He wanted to remind me to keep calm about it, and not take my frustration out on someone else? Perhaps.
Later, at night before going to sleep, a “Hare Krishna” tune was going on in my head. So I went to my room, and closed the door, and I began to sing and dance for Krishna. I just felt SO much bliss! A little later, I raised my hands and danced. Somehow tears started to flow. Now I don’t know if it was because I was having an emotional day, or if it was because of the kirtan. Whatever it was, the one-man kirtan I was having was taking me to Vrindavan. I kept my arms raised and I danced and sang for a few minutes, and I let myself cry. Then I got into bed and I whipped my mobile phone out, connected to the Internet and read a few articles about Krishna on http://www.krishna.com. There was this fantastic article about Lord Chaitanya (click here to read). It just had me captivated. On the site, there was a picture of Krishna and Yashoda Maiya. I don’t know what happened to me, but when I saw it, I cried. It was so unusual. I saw the rope in Yashoda Maiya’s hands and I thought, I want to bind Krishna, and I want to be bound by Him too. I don’t even know why I cried but that’s all I remember thinking…
Every now and then, Krishna gives me a glimpse of what it would be like to be a “full-time devotee”. If you have read my older blog posts, you may have noticed that I stress on asking Krishna for devotion quite a bit. The reason is this. Whenever I have asked Krishna to give me faith, He gives me glimpses of what it would feel like to have strong, unflinching faith in Him. The bliss you feel just makes you want more and more and it encourages you to work harder towards achieving it. It makes you literally want to put your heart and soul into studying about Krishna and making everything in your life just about Him. Long ago, I asked our beautiful, merciful Lord to give me devotion, to plant that seed of devotion in my heart. On one particular day, I was in the public bus, waiting for the bus to get going (it was break-time). I was obsessed with the Brahma Samhita around then. So while I was waiting, I was just thinking of the Brahma Samhita, relishing each line (at least the ones I could remember). Tears began to form in my eyes. Why? Simply because I knew at that time, in my heart, that there was a God, watching over me and loving me. Just the fact that God exists, and He knows me and He loves me filled me intense peace. I thought, at the time, that I had simply asked Krishna to give me some bhakti, and here He was, pouring tears into my eyes, letting me taste this bliss that comes from His love. I had merely asked Him to plant the seed of devotion in my heart, and He did. All I had to do was ask. That’s all I had to do. Ask. I remember thinking that this is what it must feel like, to always be absorbed in loving thoughts of Krishna. I wish I could be like that all the time, and always feel the bliss that so far, have been whispers in the wind. Wouldn’t it be fantastic to always be blissful like that? Bhakti Bliss.
Srila Prabhupada often stresses on desire. In order to know God, to find God, to see God, all we need is the desire and thirst for God. God always comes for those who call. So call out to Him. Be confident that He will protect you, and He will provide for you. His will reigns supreme, so we must never forget that. First, let us cultivate a desire to know Him. We should ask Him, in a humble and submissive mood, to give us bhakti, to engage us in devotional service, to give us love of God. We must then surrender to His will, for the Lord knows what is best for us. In that surrender, we must trust the Lord, for He will always do what is best for us. He will never let us come to harm and He will always protect us. He has promised us this. And Krishna will definitely definitely keep His promise.
Govindam adi purusham tam aham bhajami