Last night, as usual, I was feeling too sleepy to chant. I was going to chant at all, but I didn’t want to break my routine again like last time. So I started chanting, feeling terribly sleepy. I thought I’d just do one round.
“Help me chant. Let me concentrate.” I said. Then I got really dramatic and for some reason, I said, “If there really is a God then help me chant!”
How absurd! I don’t know why on earth I became so dramatic like that. It’s kind of funny lol. Either way, can you guess what happened next?
My concentration level just soared. My attentiveness was much better than it was a minute ago. I was shocked myself! My sleepiness had gone. I was reciting the mantra rather fast, but that usually is what helps me concentrate better. If I chant with slow speed, I can barely follow. With Krishna’s mercy, I had chanted my 2 rounds for the day 🙂
Yesterday, I was faced with a situation that normally makes me doubt and question Krishna. But somehow, it didn’t bother me at all. This is very very rare. Usually I just lose my mind and start doubting Krishna and asking Him to prove and reveal Himself to me. Yesterday, I was just peaceful. Doubting questions did occur to me, but they didn’t get to me, if you know what I mean. The only words resonating in my ears were Lord Chaitanya’s words from the Siksastakam:
“You are my worshippable Lord.”
The Lord is being very merciful to me. Lord, I thank You for holding me firm in my faith. You promised to preserve what I have and carry what I lack. You carried me out of my doubt. You helped me to chant. Lord, give me strength, give me unflinching faith. Please keep all of us in steady faith, God. Keep us in Your love.