I was working on two reports for university last night. They weren’t due today but I wanted to submit them as I have holidays starting tomorrow and I didn’t want to spend them stressing out about my reports that were due. So I was working late into the night. I took a shower at around 2 AM and I was absolutely planning on not chanting for the day as I was just wiped out. I was really exhausted and literally braindead. I thought that I would just go ahead and chant anyway. But I was way too sleepy. I was contemplating all this while I was in the shower. I was telling myself not to break my routine and that I should just go ahead and fight the sleepiness and chant. However I was seriously tired and didn’t feel like I had it in me to chant.
So I got out of the shower and without even contemplating on whether I should chant or not, my hands reached out for my beads when I saw them. I was aware at the time that Krishna was being merciful to me and helping me to chant. I was so aware that I wasn’t doing it because I really was exhausted. But I had just reached out for my beads. I had not even given myself a second to think about whether I should chant or not. I just went ahead and did it, and I’m really glad about it. Krishna really is working harder than me at my chanting! How supportive of Him!
After I finished one round, I kept my bead bags down for a minute and went into another room. I had left the door open so through the corner of my eye I thought I saw a white silhouette move by really fast, into my brother’s room. Obviously enough, I got scared. It was probably a figment of my imagination, seeing how I was awake in the dead of the night and terribly sleep-deprived. Nevertheless, I think such entities are real and I was frightened. I called out to Nrishinga Dev to protect me. I I prayed to Krishna to look after me. Then I began my second round, chanting with some feelings of dependence, asking for shelter and protection. I went into my brother’s room and chanted aloud there, trusting that the Lord’s Holy Names will purify the atmosphere and drive out any evil entities that may be there. I came back to my room and continued chanting, feeling the fear and anxiety dissipate.
After I finished chanting, I raised my arms to pray a personal prayer. I related to Krishna as Giridhari (as the holder of Govardhan hill) and asked him to hold a hill over us, to protect us from harm, as only He can do. Prayers and praise flowed from my heart, sending me on an emotional wave. Krishna so mercifully lets me taste this bhakti from time to time. I wish I could feel so prayerful all the time. I want to be surrendered to Krishna at all times, for surrender to God is the real meaning of freedom.
My prayer for today: Krishna, Lord of the Universe, please be merciful to us. We desire only Your association, we desire only to serve You and worship You. Protect us, Lord, and shield us from harm, the way You lifted Govardhan hill to protect the inhabitants of Vridavan from torrential rains. Hold a hill above our heads and protect us from the downpour of miseries, Lord, as only You can. Govinda, You are the friend of the afflicted. You are the refuge of the destitute. Take us out of our misery by planting the seed of devotion in our hearts. Bless us with bhakti. Bless us with opportunities to serve You, who are fully worthy of love, reverence and worship. We know that we are always in Your thoughts, and so we pray that You may always be in ours. Grant us this, Lord. We only ask to rekindle our eternal loving relationship with You. Let us serve You, Lord. We really want to.