The OCD came back. Note that I have not been diagnosed by a doctor as yet but I’m pretty sure I’m behaving in a way that’s not normal. So whether it’s really OCD or not, this urge to keep cleaning is causing me terrible distress and anxiety. I can’t do normal things anymore. It feels like I’ve forgotten how to do simple things like wash my hands. I have to wash my hands at least 7-8 times in the same session till I feel clean or till it’s done perfectly. Although washing 7-8 times is not the minimum. Washing up in the morning takes about 30-45 minutes. Sometimes it takes an hour. Showering takes an hour and a half. I avoid going out as much as I can. I’m not afraid of getting sick. I’m afraid of getting dirty and of germs. I also use a lot of hand sanitizer and sanitizing wipes. It’s so tiring and stressful.
I humbly request readers to pray for me to get better and to be able to handle this. I’m tired of the anxiety that comes from this and how much it makes me panic. I’m tired of being ashamed, and of how people look at me like I’m weird. I really just want to feel normal again and be able to do normal things. I am currently reading some self-help books but more than all of that, I need the mercy of all of you devotees who are so dear to Krishna. I need Krishna to give me strength to face this head on and to deal with it. Krishna has the power to heal me. I am humbly asking for mercy and prayer from you.
Thanks a lot.